Beware of the Carpet Cleaner - He May Break Your Heart

I've been in a lot of bad relationships but by far the most brutal, destructive one was with my carpet cleaner.  It started off as kind of a blind date because I only knew him from his coupon.  However, with just $29.99 per room and results guaranteed, it seemed like a match made in heaven.  

As I called him butterflies filled my stomach in anticipation.  We had a kind of easy banter about the usual stuff: shag vs. berber, square feet.  He was cocky but in a good way.  He said not to worry and I didn't.  Promises were made and a date was set.  

Two days later the doorbell rang.  Unfortunately, he walked in carrying what looked like an ancient ghost-busting bag and my heart sank.  He surveyed my apartment and said that I had very special stains - deep stains - dirty stains - intense stains.  Stains that were going to cost more to remove.  I felt crushed.

 

Our relationship got even worse when he then informed me that my living room was actually two rooms.  This is particularly interesting since my living room is in fact one very tiny room.

 

After tacking on the cost of the finishing / drying process my total one bedroom apartment came to $350 plus tax.  I wanted to end it there but he pleaded to stay.

I bluffed that I would be better off on my own.  I could rent my own machine from Ralphs for 30 or so dollars. Now that the supermarket strike was over, I argued, I could just clean my carpets on my own.  But he knew me too well and called my bluff.  And he was right.  A week ago I had tried to clean the carpets myself and was left with a machine full of black water and a carpet still full of stains.  I did need his help. Still trying to maintain some mystery I began to bargain.  He knocked off $50 and in a moment of weakness I decided to give the relationship another try.  Two hours later, after his machine broke down four times, I realized I should have gone with my first impression.

 

My friends were right. Recommendations are key.  You have to call the Institute of Inspection, Cleaning and Restoration Certification (www.iicrc.org) before you can really let a person into your life.  And when you do start a new relationship make sure to get a guaranteed price over the phone. 

 

Two weeks have passed and I would like to say I have gone on with my life and forgotten about him.  Unfortunately it's hard to do.  The stains have started to reappear.